Healthy relationships really exists?
What is a healthy relationship?
Healthy relationships allow both partners to feel supported and connected but still feel independent at the same time. So, the two principle things to improve in a relationship are communication and boundaries. Of course that you and your boyfriend/girlfriend will decide what is healthy or not, what are the limits that you have to implement in your relationship.
When I talk about communication we think that it´s really important in order to allow to you and your partner to know more about each other in a deeper way, to connect, to improve the relationship and to feel good with themselves. Couples who communicate well are those who respect each other, because they know the way of thinking, the values and principles of the other; speak openly to one another about thoughts and feelings without being afraid or ashamed to talk about it because they know that they will be heard and not criticized; feel supported to do things they like for the reason that both know how to accept the differences and the preferences of each other; celebrate each other´s accomplishments and successes because your happiness it will depend a little bit on your boyfriend/girlfriend’s happiness too.
Plus the communications, boundaries are important to be clear when we want a healthy way to be with someone, like if you don´t express yourself, what you feel comfortable with or not how can your partner guess what you can handle with or not? Yes, right answer, he or she can´t guess :) So, it´s important to explain what you are comfortable with when it´s about bills, sexual life, friends, personal space, life´s goals, time, career, family... If you have this in your relationship you know that you have time to spend with your family and friends, you do not abuse technology to check on your partner, you trust each other and not ask for justifications; you don´t pressure each other because you know the other´s limits and beliefs; you do not constantly accuse the other of cheating or being unfaithful because you know that your relationship is good, healthy and you trust and you are confident about that.
So, a real healthy relationship is the one that have a comfortable pace, trust, honesty, independence, respect, equality, communication, compassion, responsibility toke by both and loyalty. But this only can happen if people communicate and share with each other what is a healthy relationship, because I think that in our generation people and even young people continue to be tied in the thought that man are over women, that they have to control them and only man can have their independent life.
It´s possible to have a healthy relationship?
Of course that is almost impossible to do always the right steps to be in a ‘’perfect’’ relationship, because we aren´t machines and we have bad days, days when we don´t want to do nothing, that we don´t want to think or to talk. So probably it will be moments that you can feel disconnected from your partner or like the relationship has gotten stale. If so, find a fun, simple activity you both enjoy, like going on a walk, and talk about the reasons why you want to be in the relationship. Then, keep trying to using healthy behaviors as you continue dating.
So, the question for you is: It´s really possible to have a healthy relationship?
What we all expect is to know the way to get it possible, and I already have told you what are the keys for that, but you know, because you probably have already experienced that. In a relationship we mistake feeling for intensity or how much they love someone but it’s not love. It’s the sticky of two people without boundaries and a sense of independence and this just happens because we are making decisions based only on how we feel instead of what we can build. So many couples confuse codependency with love, and codependency is about two people with separate lives coming together to share their lives and not to blend into one life. Like the couple start doing life with each other instead of focus on each other. In my opinion when we get into a relationship, we could start to control the other person without even knowing it. Other thing is when we talk about boundaries, because they are very subjective, varing from each individual, and to reach them in a relationship means having similar values, virtues, general life beliefs or you also can accept or abdicate to something that you believe, defend. If you do that probably anger, resentment and ask for something in exchange can show up.
The answer or the conclusion?
Everything is subjective, and this topic is also. So the ‘’best’’ for the couple is usually what they believe is the best. In spite of that, and being more practical a relationship is about two people that decide to do their life together, facing in the same direction and looking out realizing how far they have come. But, thinking about biological things and personalities (that can be adapted but not totally changed) we can say that if a the couple can not achieve a right communication or boundaries that both agree with the relationship probably will never have a healthy relationship and you will notice it immediately
. And you have two options: accept that you love that person and you will pass through bad or sad moments because you don´t have reach consensus or just you will finish it.
Bibliography
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-angry-therapist/201802/is-what-healthy-relationship-looks
https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relationship/
https://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/
https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/healthy-relationships/
http://depts.washington.edu/hhpccweb/health-resource/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationships/
Carolina Araújo - 8775
carolinabda@gmail.com
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